here's a letter for you, in blog entry version.
 
Dear you. 

You. I am not like before. I mean, I can't treat you like what I did to you on our first date. Like the one you know the last three month. 

I wish, and I really wish that I can be like what you want me to be, back again. But there is nothing more that I want other than you to understand this situation and this depression. I am still myself. I am still the girl that you first time see on the 27th August 2011.

But, what can I say here. I just cannot explain to you, what's happenning. What is happening now is just happened. And I just can't figure it out how you feel right now. I just hope that you stop pushing me. I believe, that one day you will understand this. What was just happened to me, believe you don't have to know, but what you have to do is to let me go and let this thing gone naturally.

We were in a complicated state so many times before. I gave too many chances. But you let it go. That's why you need to really understand how's the heart plays. It's just not only an organ. But it contains of feelings and dignity. And you missed that part. I just don't know, why. I became too kind to forgive you so many times. Maybe that's because of my hidden agenda. But, somebody that plays the biggest role in my life had already brainwash me. 

That, the agenda should come second. This principle must lead.

Well, I think you don't have to be tell bout the principle, since we were been together for three month, I think you can figure it out by yourself. I just thought that you'll change. But, you haven't. I always think, can he change? You don't wanna listen to me. And that's the worst part. I'm rely too much on you. And that's my biggest mistake. I wish we can undo this but this can be the best lesson to both of us. 

If we can make up again. I want us to be the new person with the same body. I want to start all over again. Without you know my past, and without me reminisce your mistake. Only then we can be better. 

I told you, and I think you remember this 'kalau you faham I, we'll be okay'. But I guess 'faham' was too deep and complicated. So, I'm sorry. Because I am so me. So you won't understand. Maybe I ni alien kot? I ni menyusahkan you actually. Being me, I'm just so me. Susah sangat sebenarnya I nak carik best partner ni. Since, you told me you don't have an experience, I ingat I boleh shape you jadi the guy that can suit my soul. Tapi I silap. I takde hak and you memang you. Sikap. Kita tak boleh ubah. 

We're not meant to each other kot? Kan? I don't have the criteria that you actually need. Kita mungkin sehati tapi tak sejiwa? This is the weird part of me. Jiwang. I don't like this kind of talk. But, that's the word best can describe.

Please, don't think I forgot all the memories. I ingat setiap perincian pasal you, tapi I tak tunjuk. I am not a diary person. I am also not the status updater for every hour.

And never think that I hate you, sebab memang tak pernah terlintas dalam diri I. You should be logical in this. Takkan I nak benci you. For what? That's why I said you tak faham I. There is no reason I should hate you. So, don't talk crap lah babe. And I never forget you. You'll always in my mind. Macam I cakap kan, unless I hilang ingatan.

So, dalam masa terdekat. I don't want any commitment. I want to spend my time for myself. Dah lama I tak dapat lepak 24/7 depan tv. Without phone in my hand without guy in my head. One day you'll know, apa itu komitmen. And one day you'll also know, when you want your life back so much. I rasa I'm in island now. I'm kinda freak person. So hard to understand me. So, I'm so sorry.

Eddy.

:  from Raja Nur Afiqah.